Lemon Party 🍋 🎉 🥳

Dear Grandpa Wiggly,

Have you ever been to a Lemon Party?


Unfortunately, dear Chunk, I have been to a Lemon Party, but it was nothing like I expected.

I didn’t know what a Lemon Party was and to be honest, I’m still not sure. Details of the evening are spotty at best. I thought it was going to be like a Tea Party (the non-crazy kind), of which I’ve attended many. I thought we were going to be making lemonade. I even called first squeeze! But no lemons were squeezed that day, my friends. I must have looked pretty silly when I showed up carrying that sad sack of freshly-picked lemons.

I should have known there was something amiss when the gracious host offered me a spot of tea without first putting water on to boil.

“Care for a hot tea bag, Wiggly?” he said.

“Oh, yes, that would certainly hit the spot,” I said.

“How do you take it? One lump or two?”

“Two with just a drizzle of cream.”

It was more than a drizzle. A deluge is not a drizzle! Where did this brute learn his tea etiquette anyway? I doubt he even owns a tea kettle!

Let me tell you, that was the last time I’ll ever attend a Lemon Party with those overly eager and rude gentlemen. When it came time to play games — bizarre games I’ve never heard of before — they were rather selfish and couldn’t even wait their turns. I don’t care how many hard sixes in a row you roll, where I come from the guest always shoots first.

Naturally, I didn’t stick around for their followup game of craps. Hard six, my tuckus!

That whole evening left a sour taste in my mouth that took me weeks of gargling and brushing with mayonnaise to rid. I guess that’s why they call it a Lemon Party.

Erotic Mayonnaise

I don’t normally post pornography here but I’m going to make an exception just this once. After all, mayonnaise is involved, and when mayonnaise is involved, it’s perfectly natural.

Ahh, to be young again. I remember the first time I saw a jar of mayonnaise just sitting there, waiting to be snatched and opened up. It was at the Piggly Wiggly. And I was buy-curious.