Mayonnaise Quotes

I just want mayonnaise. I don’t want guys kissing.
Bill O’Reilly

In the film The Whole Nine Yards, the character of Jimmy ‘The Tulip’ Tudeski, played by Bruce Willis, has frequent encounters with mayonnaise that he finds unpleasant.

I’m gonna keep the coke and the fries but I’m gonna send this burger back. And if you put any mayonnaise on it, I’m gonna come over to your house, I’ll chop your legs off, set fire to your house, and watch as you drag your bloody stumps out the door.

Every red-blooded American knows that the only condiment that you are ever supposed to put on a hamburger is KETCHUP! Or MAYBE some of that SPECIAL SAUCE you like so much here in Canada; which I think has a little bit of mayonnaise in it too! But I swear to God when they start slapping that mayonnaise on there I could kill somebody.

I’m telling you this like a friend because if you screw this up – I would hate to… I would really hate to have to kill you. I would hate it more than mayonnaise. You know how much I hate mayonnaise.

It’s never too early for ice cream, Jim. But we didn’t have any ice cream, so this is mayonnaise and black olives.
— Michael Scott (Steve Carell) on The Office Season 6, Episode 24 : “The Cover-Up”

I said Yo Jay, I can rap. And I spit this rap that said I’m killin’ ya’ll *****s on this lyrical sh*t, mayonnaise colored benz, I push miracle whips.
— Kanye West

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.
— Robin Williams

One of my favorite things is mayonnaise and I have to tell you that. I love mayonnaise, but I don’t eat it any more. If I do I put light mayonnaise on it, which I know is still not good but it’s a lot better than the other one and I don’t eat it that much.
— Mike Ditka

From the television series Psych:

Shawn: Of course we’ll help you, you’re like a brother to us!
Gus: umm…
Shawn: step-brother?
Gus: umm…
Shawn: weird kid who lives down the street and eats nothing but mayonnaise on saltines?

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