Ask Me Anything About Mayonnaise

Ask me anything about mayonnaise, making mayonnaise, or my mayonnaise business and I’ll answer. Don’t forget to include your name!

No one has made me want mayonnaise more than this guy. Is that a strange thing, or does that speak to Grandpa Wiggly’s salesmanship?

It’s all in the enthusiasm and showmanship! That’s how I succeeded and got my big chance to expand my mayonnaise into the Piggly Wiggly supermarkets. This is something that lacks in this modern age, especially in youth. No one ever seems excited about the product they offer. Maybe it’s because they have nothing to gain whether they sell it or not.

When I would see Simon Gelfand in his mayonnaise wagon he was always smiling and just happy to be alive. And boy was he ever a whistler. I made a note to always be as lively and gay as he was, to show off my enthusiasm. He was so passionate — about mayonnaise! Maybe it’s because he had a hand in making it, like I later would.

If I’m not excited about mayonnaise how could I ever expect you to be excited about mayonnaise?

Have you ever made mayonnaise soda?

One thing I learned during my early experimentation with mayonnaise was that carbonation and mayonnaise do not go together at all. The carbonation will often curdle the egg yolks in the mayonnaise. Nobody likes chunky mayonnaise! Trust me, I know.

What kind of desserts can you make with mayonnaise?

You can believe I have tried almost anything imaginable with my mayonnaise. Sweetened mayonnaise is a nice after meal treat for when the grandchildren come over. Mayonnaise pudding, mayonnaise JELL-O, mayonnaise icing atop mayonnaise cakes, mayonnaise flan, mayonnaise custard, mayonnaise ice cream sauce. Pretty much the only thing you can’t do with mayonnaise is freeze it. Maybe one day I’ll figure out how to make the perfect mayonnaise ice cream! There are so many, many more uses for mayonnaise.

What other uses does mayonnaise have beyond food?

Mayonnaise works wonders for you hair. It’s an all-natural conditioner and moisturizer that leaves your hair silky, shiny and smooth and makes it smell GREAT.

Mayonnaise will give your dog, cat, horse, or any pet a nice shiny coat. It can take years off their life.

Mayonnaise is not just for your hair or pet. Have rough hands and feet from working in the fields all day? A little mayonnaise goes a long way. I soak my feet weekly in mayonnaise and haven’t had corns or calluses in years!

Mayonnaise should be in ever prankster’s joke chest. Have an enemy? A prom queen rival perhaps? Apply thick layers of mayonnaise to her face while she’s sleeping. The resulting amount of acne is only limited by the amount of mayonnaise you use. If your enemy already has craterous acne apply mayonnaise for carbuncles!

Extra thick mayonnaise, like Wiggly® Brand Mayonnaise, can be used as packing material for extremely fragile items. It also provides more weight than packing peanuts or bubble wrap, allotting for supreme care when shipping. I never could figure out how to offset the increased shipping costs.

Mayonnaise is one of the softest, most natural shock-absorbers on the planet. One of the many experiments I never got to try was filling a waterbed or even a new-age traditional mattress with mayonnaise. Sleeping on mayonnaise is like sleeping on a cloud. Of mayonnaise!

Mayonnaise + powder sugar = a delicious icing for your favorite cake.

I recently wrote a letter to my congressman urging national testing and implementation of mayonnaise as an alternative to air bags. In a serious auto accident mayonnaise would deploy, filling the car and cushioning your loved ones. Mayonnaise could save hundreds of thousands of lives each year.

Mayonnaise acts as a sleek, natural lubricant for any occasion, whether it be rusted mechanical mechanisms, creaking door hinges, filler for old car tires, or an intimate bedroom aid. It’s all-natural, safe, clean and best of all, water soluble! What’s not to love? I always give a jar of Wiggly Mayonnaise to friendly young couples when they get married. Mayonnaise is the only marital aid you’ll ever need in the bedroom. It might get messy, maybe even a little sloppy, but it’s nice and smooth and warms up rather quickly. After the first few times you’ll get use to the sound. You’ll wonder how you ever got by without it!

I hate mayonnaise, but this is an amazing slogan: “the richest, creamiest, wiggliest mayonnaise in the south.” That is quite an original story though. It’s too bad it didn’t work out. Do you have any pictures of your mayonnaise laboratory or labeled jars?

I may eventually try good mayonnaise (obviously not in the main market) and begin to like it. Any personal recommendations that would be easily accessible? Say through amazon?

What an appropriate mayonnaise moniker you have, rawrsauce! You don’t really hate mayonnaise, you just haven’t loved it yet. My mayonnaise brought love to many who never thought they would love mayonnaise like they do now. I don’t know of any world renown or exotic mayonnaises that you could purchase online. Maybe if I wasn’t retired I’d get back into the mayonnaise business and send you a jar of Wiggly Mayonnaise.

I don’t have any digital images. This was back before digital cameras existed. I’ll see if I can find a way to share some of my old photographs with you all.

Great idea to make mayonnaise in a bath tub. I made mayonnaise in the shower this morning but it’s not as practical (we don’t have a basement). We can all learn a great deal from you, you obviously have a lot of experience. I’m impressed you are still able to make large quantities of mayonnaise at your age.

You can make mayonnaise just about anywhere. I’ve often made it on the go. I usually keep a Ziplock bag or baby food jar of mayonnaise on my person in the event of mayonnaise emergencies.

Whats your best potato salad recipe? I assume it involves Wiggly mayo.

Of course it does! Besides mayonnaise, the key to making a mouth-watering potato salad is in the potatoes. My wife makes it with a variety of potatoes: Equal portions of red bliss, fingerlings, Yukon gold, and sweet potatoes (or yams as we call them down south).

Once you have your potatoes, you want at six to eight diced hard boiled eggs, two pounds of cooked, chopped bacon (not strained), one large chopped white onion, two diced red onions, one cup of sour cream, four tablespoons of half and half, one quart of shaved (not diced) lettuce, two cups of cherry tomatoes (I like them whole), one cup of shredded cheese, and four cups of mayonnaise!

Thinking of trying this out. What type of cheese did you personally use?
— PortuGish

My wife likes cheddar cheese as long as it’s not too sharp. Her tongue is sharp enough! Oh lord, I’m so bad. Don’t go telling on me, PortuGish.

Do you approve of chipotle mayo?

I’ve never had chipotle mayonnaise. I’m a traditionalist, but that doesn’t mean I still don’t experiment with new and unusual breeds of mayonnaise at home. I like coloring mayonnaise for holiday occasions. It adds a zing of fun to the season.

Which is the superior mayonnaise placement on a sandwich: top bread or bottom bread? I personally usually opt for the bottom, and use mustard on the top.

Why not both? Think of mayonnaise as bread glue. It will hold your sandwich together and make it scrumptious to eat. I always try to avoid slathering mayonnaise directly near the cheese. It can get oh-so-slippery. Your cheese and sandwich will be slip-sliding all over. Remember: You can never have too much mayonnaise!

How many times a day do you say the word mayonnaise?

You should ask my wife. She hates the word mayonnaise! I have to be sneaky about my mayonnaise proclamations when I’m around her. If I had to guess, I’d say I say the word “mayonnaise” at least a dozen times a day. More on the weekends, and of course on Mayonnaise Monday — the day I make mayonnaise for the week.

What are some of the nicknames you have been called?

Some of the grandchildren in town used to call me Mr. Mayonnaise. Other nicknames included: Grandpa Mayonnaise, Mr. Wiggly Mayonnaise, Old Man Mayonnaise, Grandfather Glop, Pappy Smear Pants, Mr. Mayo Fingers, Oily Fingers, Mayonnaise Hands, and of course, my favorite and namesake, Grandpa Wiggly.

Hey Pappy. Is mayo OK for a dog? Sometimes I just give him the whole jar. I only buy Best Foods which is supposed to be a good one.

You should never give a dog that much mayonnaise. A spoonful here and there is OK when rewarding good behavior. If you insist on giving your dog such a large quantity of mayonnaise at once I would recommend plenty of water to go along with it, followed by cardiac exercise (or arrest).

Have you thought of trying to sell mayonnaise again? There are places now like Trader Joe’s that I think would be interested in you. You’d have to move out of the mason jar business though, into some form of mass production.
— Chipware

I’m too old to get back in the mayonnaise business. It’s a hobby to me now, something I do to get away from the wife. Mass production removes the intimacy of mayonnaise. I like to have a hand in every jar. Once you lose that you’re no longer making mayonnaise. You’re just selling mayonnaise.

How did you raise your capital for the company? Friends & Family? VC? Angels?

What’s VC? Vagina Cream? Otherwise known as mayonnaise!

I started small, with my own small investment, working out of my basement. I had been saving since I was a boy. Back then mason jars were plentiful and often reused. Same goes for Coca~Cola bottles. You used to be able to get them refilled. Not anymore. And back then Coca~Cola was made with cocaine, if you can believe that! I would drink four or five bottles a day.

My Wiggly Mayonnaise never got big enough to warrant me taking out a loan. My dear, dear wife Effie was adamantly against taking out a mortgage on our farm. Had the business taken off I would have pursued outside investors. Mayonnaise is a money-maker in any economy. Rich or poor, they all want more!

Did you ever feel like praying to the Angel of Death for vengeance? You could probably channel divine retribution into your shotgun as you stalk through the Kraft corporate offices, pumping round after round of fiery holy death into the people there. You would be completely justified by Jesus Christ’s laws, which are greater than the laws of men. Just saying.
— the_onanist

You sound like my wife! I take mayonnaise seriously. I say kill them with kindness. And mayonnaise! Every Christmas I used to send my old pals at Duke’s and Hellmann’s a jar of my mayonnaise. Something tells me they had to hide it at the office to keep it from their loved ones. Nobody wants to be caught with another man’s mayonnaise in their drawers!

Maybe things are different down south, but the first thing that popped into my head reading your story was of a jar of rancid white/brown goo filled with maggots.

Do you think the name had something to do with the failure? Even a little? BTW, I have no idea WTF a Piggly Wiggly is, and I absolutely hate mayonnaise. So maybe I’m a special case.
— pashj

I don’t know where you get your mayonnaise, pashj, but I would never eat rancid maggot goo! OH MY OH MY. That sounds like Hell(mann) in a jar! HAHA! Mayonnaise should never be left out in the sun. If it had maggots in it it’s possible the jar had been compromised. Air should never touch mayonnaise before you’re ready to dive in. This is just one of the many problems with store bought mayonnaise.

My wife always hated the name Wiggly Mayonnaise. She didn’t want our name on it in case it made people sick. She suggested Jiggly Mayonnaise! Can you believe that? Jiggly! JELL-O has long had the jiggly market cornered. And mayonnaise doesn’t jiggle, it wiggles!

Piggly Wiggly is a chain of supermarkets in the south. They’ve been around for years. Wiggly Mayonnaise was a natural fit for Piggly Wiggly. In fact, the generic Piggly Wiggly Mayonnaise is a variation on my original mayonnaise recipe. Though not as good as Wiggly Mayonnaise!

Try making your own mayonnaise at home to see what real mayonnaise is all about. Don’t forget to come back and tell Grandpa Wiggly how your mayonnaise turned out! Feel free to use my recipe for Wiggly Mayonnaise.

For those of us that aren’t acquainted with you and have no hopes of getting our slippery hands on your wiggly mayo, what do you recommend we get? I’ve been on again off again with mayo for many years but maybe I’m just not getting the right thing?
— MrsVague

No store bought mayonnaise will ever compare to the delicious goodness of homemade mayonnaise. Like I always say, the best mayonnaise is the mayonnaise you make yourself. Mayonnaise is simple and fun to make. Chances are you have all of the ingredients you need to make it at home right now. Once you’ve experienced real mayonnaise, you’ll see what you’ve been missing all your life.

If you have to go with a store brand mayonnaise, I would say Hellmann’s is the least worst. It just needs a good whipping before you can use it. Kraft’s Real Mayonnaise is OK, a little bland for my taste, but it sure is creamy compared to all the others.

if you don’t mind, explain how the Big companies drove your mayonnaise out.
— JohnnyCzar

I touched on this some in my blog post about my Wiggly Mayonnaise: The big food companies pretty much dictate how much supermarket shelf space is made available for all products, not just their own. Especially mayonnaise! I got just a few inches on the bottom shelf, barely enough space for a single jar-wide row, and close enough to the floor where the cleaning crew’s floor scrubbers and waxers would dirty up my mayonnaise mason jars on a nightly basis.

Placement is everything in the supermarket. The most popular items are right at or just above eye level. The big corporations pay lots of money for their spots. That leaves very little room for the little guy. When you’re all the way at the bottom, practically on the floor, and with only one row, it’s nearly impossible to get someone to notice your mayonnaise. I did everything I could to promote Wiggly® Brand Mayonnaise without actually having a budget. I even did taste tests at the Piggly Wiggly. I quickly learned not everyone is willing to eat mayonnaise by itself.

So it sounds like the real reason you went out of business is that you didn’t have a proper advertising budget? I don’t see any bullying here. Can you explain how the larger brands who have spent time and money (sometimes for decades) to get their brands into the marketplace are being unfair just because they don’t let you take up their hard-won shelf space on day one?
— justonemorecontract

I wouldn’t say their shelf space is hard-won. It’s bought and paid for and dictated by the large corporations. The leftovers go to the generic brands and the smaller brands. True, if I had had the financial resources to buy up 32 inches of shelf space I would have done so.

I didn’t have a lot of money for advertising, I relied mostly on myself to do all the work. I made signs but Piggly Wiggly had a contract with Duke’s Mayonnaise that only allowed their mayonnaise to be promoted at the store level.

The main reason I went out of business was due to the fact that I was pushed out of the Piggly Wiggly stores after just a few months, even after they told me if often takes six months to a year for a new product to take notice. Each month sales of Wiggly® Brand Mayonnaise increased over the previous month. It wasn’t like my mayonnaise wasn’t selling at all. Third month sales were thrice the first month’s sales. Every jar of Wiggly® Brand Mayonnaise that sold meant that was one less jar of Duke’s or Hellman’s or Zippy’s that wasn’t selling. Eventually the schematic was changed leaving no room for Wiggly Mayonnaise. My six little inches of shelf space were replaced by yet additional facings of Duke Mayonnaise.

I’m a mustard man myself, but I’ve made a small batch of mayo a time or two. What about adding flavors? Fruit juices, flavored oils, etc. Specifically…if you add liquids how do you keep it from getting to thin?
— sixstringer420

Nobody likes a runny mayonnaise. The secret to preventing mayonnaise from getting too thin is in the oil and when you add it. A lot of amateur mayonnaise makers will often add their oil too quickly. You have to be patient and gradually, slowly whisk in the oil. And of course your oil needs to be at 21 degrees Celsius (70 degrees Fahrenheit).

In one of my first attempts I used canola oil but I didn’t care for the taste and the texture. Olive oil makes a nice silky mayonnaise but over time it can separate and become bitter. Nobody likes a bitter mayonnaise! I found that a nice blend of corn oil, peanut oil (or any of your favorite flavorful nut oils), and a touch of sesame oil makes for the best mayonnaise. Extra egg yolks from double yolk eggs (one of my trade secrets — shhhhh!), a little bit of finely pulverized flour, and a generous heaping of lard will make your mayonnaise thick and shiny.

I’ve never been a big fan of mustard unless it’s cut with mayonnaise. I prefer a nine to one ratio.

I’ve tried my hand at making mayonnaise, but believe it or not my complaint was that it turned out too thick. I added the oil VERY slowly, literally a drop at a time. For a long while everything looked perfect and emulsified wonderfully. Around the time that 3/4 of the oil was already in the bowl things got sticky – VERY sticky. The end product was thick and gluey and hard to spread. I like a mayo that is thick, but still spreadable. Any tips?
— delicat

Well, delicat, If your mayonnaise is too thick you can add in heavy whipping cream, half and half, or milk. The more you add, the thinner your mayonnaise will be. If you’re on a health kick, add skim milk and water.

Do you realize that they buy legislation that raises the barrier of entry into an industry and negates any semblance of a free market?
— YesImSardonic

That certainly doesn’t sound like a free market to me, YesImSardonic. It’s only gotten worse over the years. Thank goodness for the Internet. If I was younger I would sell Wiggly Mayonnaise and ship it around the world. Everybody loves mayonnaise!

Am I the first person to bring this up? Maybe people just didn’t like your mayo.

Maybe so, failmoat. I found that the people who tried my mayonnaise usually came back for seconds and thirds… and hundredths! Everyone has their own mayonnaise preference. I maintain that when put to a blind taste taste, most people would prefer Wiggly Mayonnaise or any store-bought mayonnaise.

If you try and fail and your first and only attempt – and blame others on top of it – you can hardly call yourself an entrepreneur. Hell, for real entrepreneurs, getting our ass kicked and failing is half the fun and makes us into seasoned, experienced fighters built for endurance.
— dotspace

You have a point there, dotspace. I used the word “failed” when describing my business venture. I might have been a small-time, insignificant, and ultimately a forgettable entrepreneur but I was still technically an entrepreneur, according to the dictionary: “a person who organizes and operates a business or businesses, taking on greater than normal financial risks in order to do so.”

The big mayonnaise brand corporations made it impossible to get into the big chain supermarkets. Piggly Wiggly was the smallest of the chains, many were independently operated, that’s how I was able to get on their shelves. After I was booted from Piggly Wiggly, I had no other options left. Even our local grocers where I originally got Wiggly® Brand Mayonnaise on the shelf closed so I couldn’t keep selling there.

Selling mayonnaise out of your house or door-to-door only yields so much success. Without a supermarket venue you can’t make it in the mayonnaise world.

Do you have both of your eyes, and are you possibly welsh?
— aDildoAteMyBaby

I do indeed have both of my eyes. Sadly though, my wife lost her arm. She has learned to be quite handy with her nub though.

I’m sorry to hear about your baby.

Although it sucks that your business did not work out…. thank you for the funny, informative and entertaining post!!!
— cheddarben

Thank you, cheddarben! I love talking about mayonnaise. It has truly been my life’s passion ever since I worked for Gelfand’s Mayonnaise one summer when I was a boy. I can still remember the first time I saw his mayonnaise wagon. I spent my whole allowance on mayonnaise!

The Gelfand’s taught me every thing I know about mayonnaise, including how to make it. From there I set out on ways to improve mayonnaise — something I didn’t think was possible.

Holy shit, you weren’t joking about mayonnaise wagons. You must be old as dirt.

Old Mr. Gelfand’s mayonnaise wagon. I remember it like it was yesterday. I do believe that picture was taken a few years before I was born. When I was eight years old I met Mr. Gelfand and got to ride around the block in his mayonnaise wagon. He taught me everything I know about mayonnaise. Seeing him sure brings back memories. Thanks, gerbal!

Thank you for your entertaining tale of the wonderful yet bizarre and sometimes tragic world of unique, creamy mayonnaise.
— illuminachos

I’m glad you enjoyed my mayonnaise, illuminachos. Some things seem too good to be true. Like mayonnaise!

I … I think I love you.
— jumpingschnitzel

I think I love you, jumpingschnitzel! You know what will keep your schnitzel from jumping? Mayonnaise! Paste it down with mayonnaise. Slather some mayonnaise on your favorite bread and slap that schnitzel down. No more jumping schnitzel!

Wow, thanks!
— stuckschnitzel

You’re welcome, jumpingschnitzel. Oh wait a minute. You’re not jumpingschnitzel! You’re stuckschnitzel. Your schnitzel is no longer jumping. HOORAY! Mayonnaise: Is there anything it can’t do?

So many how calories are we talking about here?
— Studystand

One tablespoon of Wiggly® Brand Mayonnaise consists of about 180 calories (all from fat). That’s a bit more than store brand mayonnaises. The real difference is in the taste.I don’t know who came up with these servings sizes. A tablespoon is not nearly enough mayonnaise!

Have you tried rum mayo? It makes a festive treat around the holidays.
— Reeditor

I have not tried rum mayo. Is it like a nog? In the past I experimented with egg nog and mayonnaise. Mayonnaise makes for one creamy nog. Too creamy for some people’s tastes!

You should have gone to like Whole Foods or some stores like that. I know WF is like a haven for local stuff and they would have taken your mayo in huge amounts. They don’t even sell the big boys products in the store.
— Atheist101

I wish Whole Foods had been around in my mayonnaise days. Things would have been a lot smoother for me. I could have been the cream of the crop of mayonnaise!

I know you’re going to hate this but… I love Duke’s Mayo. It tastes more “real” than other brands.
— xeromem

You’re absolutely right! I HATE DUKE’S MAYO. I hate everything about Duke’s and their calcium disodium mutant mayonnaise. It makes for some airy, crusty mayonnaise.

Of all the mayonnaise makers out there, Duke’s has got to be the cockiest. I remember how snide and superior they were after they built the world’s largest mayonnaise display. I was there! It was my dream and they stole it from me. And if it hadn’t been for police interference, a heavy media presence, and a dear old friend’s betrayal, I would have brought that whole gargantuan mayonnaise display down in one glorious sound of mayonnaise and shattered glass.

Have you ever heard the sound of a mayonnaise jar breaking? It’s quite beautiful. Initially loud until the mayonnaise absorbs the glass and its sound. Breathtaking.

Maybe you’d have been more successful if you didn’t make your mayo in a bathtub.
— sukivan

I only made the first test batch of mayonnaise in a bathtub. After that I invested in all the tools I needed. I never sold bathtub mayonnaise. It was purely for my consumption.

Did you get athlete’s tongue from making mayonnaise in your bathtub?

I didn’t get athlete’s tongue but I sure did get a stomach ache. The first few weeks of experimentation was all about learning from my mistake and discovering what could and could not work. Mayonnaise is only so versatile.

Another drawback to the bathtub was temperature modulation. It was also a hassle if someone wanted to take a bath. The absolute worst was drainage. I never thought about how I would drain all that mayonnaise out of the bathtub. It’s not as simple as yanking the plug out of the drain. Mayonnaise is not a substance that flows easily.

Mayonnaise provided the spark for the discovery of the Casimir effect, effectively proving empty space is in fact not empty at all. It’s no wonder it didn’t go down the drain, the entire universe was against you.
— sockpuppets

I’ll say! Sometimes it seemed like everyone was against me.

Did you know mayonnaise saved kids from Nazis?

Ingenious! That would make a great motion picture. I’ve always wanted to write a mayonnaise movie or musical.

Hi grandpawiggly, your mayonnaise recipe includes raw egg and lard – doesn’t that mean it needs cooking somehow? And how could one drive mayonnaise around in the southern us in a van in the 1920s without it getting warm and rancid?

Hellmanns is the brand around here but, hmmm, your recipe does look good…
— mons_cretans

Hello, mons_cretans. Thanks for your interest in my Wiggly Mayonnaise! Some people don’t know this but all mayonnaise contains raw eggs. Egg yolks are the key ingredient to mayonnaise.

I wasn’t driving around in the 1920s but Mr. Gelfand was in his Mayonnaise Wagon. He wasn’t traveling far but he would still keep his mayonnaise on ice. You’ve got to keep your mayonnaise safe!

The best mayonnaise you make yourself.
— monkeyman114

AMEN, monkeyman114! I like your moxie. Everything is always better when you do it yourself. That goes double for mayonnaise!

I do enjoy mayonnaise, never made it myself though. Also, this post is absolutely absurd and a great break from exam studying.
— Cwal37

Nothing beats homemade mayonnaise. You should give it a try sometime. The fun is in making it and finding out what kind of mayonnaise fits you best. Now back to studying, Cwal37. No more mayonnaise until you’re done.

How do you feel about the NBA player O.J. Mayo?
— tmackattak

What a splendid name! I should probably tell you that mixing OJ and mayonnaise is often not a good idea. The acidity could curdle the mayonnaise and that would be bad. Thank goodness there’s more mayonnaise to go around.

Grandpa Wiggly, I have never tasted a mayonnaise that I like. What makes yours better?
— unloud

Once you taste my Wiggly Mayonnaise you will fall in love with mayonnaise and wonder how you ever lived without it. Try making your own mayonnaise at home and see for yourself. Don’t forget to come back and tell Grandpa Wiggly how your mayonnaise turned out!

Wow, I just found this post. This mayonnaise sounds wonderful, although I mostly use mine for crawfish dip!
— Tofuik

Crawfish dip! Sounds scrumtrulescent, Tofuik! Are you from the south? My wife is from Louisiana and we both lived down there for many years, I grew to love crawfish.

Yep, I’m from good old humid Southern Louisiana. Originally from Eunice to be exact.
My crawfish dip usually consists of about 3 parts mayo to 1 part ketchup, a little bit of butter, and what ever your favorite dry seasoning is sprinkled on top and mixed in.
— Tofuik

Eunice! Effie has family there, or had at least. Not sure if they’re still there. Eunice, Ville Platte, Mamou, Opelousas — they’re all over.

I don’t think you should have given up. Just find another outlet. Today Whole Foods would be something I’d check into. They like buying from small locals.
— WebZen

If I was younger and could convince my wife I would be back in the mayonnaise world in a heartbeat.

This seems silly: “I couldn’t pay those young lads much (a dollar a day plus all the mayonnaise they could carry home in their pockets).”

I know it’s silly. I told that joke all the time. The mason jars were too big to fit into their pockets. Only once did a boy succeed in doing so but at the cost of tearing out his pocket. You can bet I got an earful from his mother for ruining his good pants. You know what I told her? I told her anyone with common sense knows you shouldn’t wear decent slacks when making mayonnaise. You’re dealing with so much oil that there’s bound to be splash back.

A dollar a day? If I have to trade access to (what you claim to be) a high quality product to protect children from being victimized by someone keen to take advantage of them, that’s a trade off I’m comfortable with. Child labor laws exist to put people like you out of business, and in jail. Lucky for you Kraft got you before Johny Law did.
— 911ismyworknumber

They were interns. A dollar a day was a lot of money at the time, especially for high-school aged boys. If I recall, the minimum wage was only $1.25 an hour in the 1950s.

Honestly, this is one of the dumbest things I have ever seen on the internet.
— mr_wolf

You should go outside and howl at the moon, Mr. Wolf! Howling and scowling seems to be what you do worst. It’s no surprise you don’t like mayonnaise. You’re the antithesis of mayonnaise! Mayonnaise grows hair in the sun, you grow hair in the moon!

There’s no need to be a Negative Nancy. Just friends discussing our love of mayonnaise. If you want to talk mayonnaise I’m all ears.

You talk about mayonnaise too much.

I admit, I tend to get excited when talking about mayonnaise. The overall enthusiasm my mayonnaise has been met with got me all giddy and I got a little out of control. Who could blame me? It’s mayonnaise! You must get the same way when talking about goat punching. I’ve never had goat punch before. Is it made with actual goat? How does the taste compare to donkey punch?

8 thoughts on “Ask Me Anything About Mayonnaise

  1. Why is it not recommended to eat any of the mayonnaise variations which contain raw eggs? How do the emulsifiers in the various commercial mayonnaise products differ? What is the different between blender mayonnaise to the conventional method mayonnaise prepared with whole eggs.

    1. You should try washing you mouth out with mayo instead of disrupting a decent conversation. You must be a real creep if you have to take care of yourself. LOL.

  2. Does the mayonnaise become spoiled or rancid when using a spoon or knife that has been used with butter or other condiments ?

  3. So despite your terrible experience I am wanting to sell awesome mayo. Do you have detailed processing instructions that will assure that the product is safe to sell and I wont land in jail for poisoning some poor sap that thought it would be a great idea to purchase locally produced organic product?

  4. I always use a couple of Tablespoons of mayo in every cake or brownie recipe I bake. It makes it moist and delicious and does not disturb the ingredients. Try it. Mayo is a substitute for eggs and there is a chocolate cake recipe with mayo and no eggs that is out of this world.

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